I heard the word “censored” and then saw the word with a black slash on it. This is how I viewed myself and what I believed someone I love thought of me. I started to cry, but when I saw the censored word covered by a multitude of dancing hearts, my spirit was lifted.
I have found that even though I know that flesh is not the “true me”, when she shows up, especially when she hurts another and I reap what is sown, it is still very painful… I thank God for His word that undergirds me that states: “All things work for the good for those who love Him and are the called according to His purposes” and two other favorite scriptures: “He shall perfect what concerns us” and “God is the “Most High God” who rules in our affairs.” Our precious Comforter always sends us the right word when we need it and I want to share what He gave me in this situation with the hope that it might bless you, too. These visions are from an out of print writing by Barbara Decker” called “Glimpses of Self”
“ Picture this: I am walking up a path hand in hand with Christ. I am very happy and content. Behind us is this very ugly shriveled up old hag. She’s moaning and groaning, mumbling and complaining, yelling and trying desperately to get my attention to cause me trouble, pain, sorrow and turmoil. She’s really a walking zombie refusing to die and leave me in peace.
She’s very contemptible; a pitiful sight indeed, but I understand I won’t be completely free from her antagonism until Jesus and I reach a certain point on our path together. But Jesus said that no matter what I said to her, it would be of no avail. He assured me it would be utterly impossible to change her or help her in any way.
He told me just to be careful not to let her shock me or distract me by any of her bizarre actions or speech. If she commanded me to do anything I was always to remember that I didn’t have to obey her since I was in no wise under her dominion.
Poor thing! So miserable and wretched, continually wicked and sinful with no hope of ever changing. Her only objective was to harass me and try to pull me away from my Jesus. I asked Him what her name was and He told me it was, “Flesh”!
As I was struggling over finding God’s will and whether to sell my home or not, I asked Him the question: “God, why can’t we just ask your will and know it? When will we always know your mind in these matters and not have to struggle so?”
The Lord showed me this enormous room inside myself. In the center of the room, going from ceiling to floor, was a gigantic, whirring dynamo. The room was full of brilliant light. On one wall there was a very small door. In comparison to our size, it looked like a mouse hole. He spoke and said: “This room is where I dwell in you. When you are able to walk through that door and enter this room, you will be able to know my mind continually. The door is that size because no flesh can enter this room.”
I remind myself that without this old hag and door to bend low to enter, we could not be overcomers… Because of this wretched one, we are able to know the immeasurable value of Christ’s redeeming blood and have dancing hearts to comfort us in the end! Hallelujah!